This tongue-in-cheek post is about social media blogger “Pain in the Neck” warnings and not about digital identity or what I have done so far to grow my blog traffic like you probably expected.
~If English is not your first language, tongue-in-cheek means “not serious” or “in humor”.~
Unnecessary Social Media Blogger “Pain in the Neck” Warnings I Could Have Used…
Fellow social media blogger, you probably already know that blogging is hard to do WELL when we fell “UNWELL”. Creativity is hard when we are in pain. Not impossible, I know a few bloggers who live in chronic pain. But for pain wimps like myself, it is certainly the un-preferred way to blog. Some injuries seem to lead to chronic pain, like back injuries or neck injuries. Hence, some pain in the neck warnings.
Warning One: A social media blogger should not ever ride an ATV off of a cliff. And then crash into a tree. Onto branches 40 feet off the ground.
That probably should go without saying. However, I ignored this common sense warning and did just this very thing summer of 2010. Yup. Slid in some mud while riding a trail down a mountain. Drove right off the precipice of a cliff and into a tree. Got my ATV stuck on some tree branches. Luckily, I held on or I would have fallen on logs and boulders below. I actually did do this. Crashing the ATV isn’t the tongue-in-cheek part.
This little activity does not do much to enhance your ability as a social media blogger superstar. I mean, sure, it gives you an interesting story to write about from time to time, and might earn you a little social media blogger sympathy, but really, as a social media blogging technique it is highly over-rated. So, no matter what advice you receive in any social media blogger marketing resources, I recommend you ignore any parts that suggest you ride an ATV off of a cliff and crash into a tree. In fact, avoid any crashing altogether. Crashing tends, as a rule, to be bad.
In case you are someone (like myself apparently) who needs to have that social media blogger “Pain in the Neck” warning spelled out for you specifically, I thought I would mention it. Hence, this post.
Warning Two: A social media blogger should take care of his or her injuries promptly.
Ever since deciding to use tree branches as an airplane runway to land my ATV on, I have had a neck injury. Minor thing. I mean, really. Does a social media blogger even actually need a neck? Other than fill out a turtleneck, what do they really do? Surprisingly, I learned from my injury that the stumpy-looking thing holding up my head should be well-cared for and is actually quite useful.
Had I taken care of my injury promptly, it probably wouldn’t have been so bad. However, I let the fact that I felt stupid override the fact that I also felt injured. Six months later, my husband got tired of hearing me complain about my neck and urged me to go in to the doctor for more than just pain medication. My doctor referred me to physical therapy.
I now know that physical therapy is much less effective if the injury isn’t fresh. Ah. That would have been good to know. Or that could have been common sense. Which, as we can see from my violation of rule one, I seemed to lack during this whole scenario.
12 weeks later, I finished physical therapy with minor improvements. For instance, I could now shrug my shoulders when indicating ”I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to land an ATV into a tree” without screaming in pain. People cover their ears less when you tell the story this way, which improves the storytelling considerably.
I was, fortunately, able to still pull off being in too much pain to possibly push a heavy Kirby vacuum around for a few weeks before my husband caught on that I was no longer screaming when I shrugged my shoulders. He decided that I probably could vacuum. Darn physical therapy.
I bring up the need for getting injuries treated promptly because the social media blogger professional (such as most of you reading this) tends to get used to sitting in front of computers and can forget from time to time that there is a wonderful thing called reality that has “doctors” and “physical therapy”. Amazing but true. If injured, we should use these “doctors” so we can get better as quickly as possible and return to being the online social media blogger butterflies and reality recluses that we were born to be.
So don’t forget social media blogger “Pain in the Neck” warning two – take care of injuries promptly!
Warning Three: A social media blogger should avoid getting re-injured if possible.
Two weeks ago, my neck was feeling a tad stiff and sore. I took a break from my social media blogger work and decided go to the mall. My husband suggested I use one of the little kiosk “10 minute masseuse” services. If you don’t have these in your shopping area, then you probably don’t live in America where shopping is so exhausting and we are so unfit that we need to sit in a massage chair and get a personal massage to continue a shopping spree. (That is tongue-in-cheek. I have never actually seen someone get a massage from these places. Until the story I am about to tell below, I had never had one of these massages. I have often wondered how these places make any money.)
I informed the masseuse that I had a neck injury and that he needed to be delicate in how he massaged me. He said “Sure, sure” and proceeded to massage my neck as if it was his life’s mission to give my neck muscles the relaxed elasticity of melting hot taffy. I, in my social media blogger naivety, assumed he knew what he was doing.
I know now that his “Sure, sure” meant “Lady Social Media Blogger, I don’t speak English but thank you for your $10 dollars. And now, prepare to be in excruciating pain for the next few weeks.”
Kind of reminds me of how one of the software programmers from India that I worked with said “No problem, no problem” which actually meant, “Holy Cow! Big problem, Madame Social Media Blogger, MAYDAY! MAYDAY!” That is why my review of his work said, “Working with you was No Problem, Prashant!”
Anyway, so my masseuse didn’t speak any English. I am not sure he was even a certified masseuse. Unless certified masseuses usually have a billy club that they beat you on the shoulders with. Since I was face down in the chair, I can’t say for sure that is what he did, but it is certainly what it felt like.
I have been in agony ever since. Stuck in bed agony. Not leaving the house agony. “Why is this pain medication bottle empty now?” agony.
Which is certainly not a productive state for a social media blogger. This is why I share this useful warning with you. If you are a social media blogger: heed this warning and avoid getting re-injured. And while we are on the subject, you might want to avoid 10-minute-kiosk-masseuses who don’t speak your language and who have billy clubs. Just a tip from one social media blogger to another.
(In case you are wondering, yes, I did call the mall and complain. Some very responsible sounding 17-year-old told me she would take care of it. I am sure she is taking care of it right now.)
Before I move on, just want to recap social media blogger “Pain in the Neck” warning three – “Neck injuries suck. Neck RE-injuries RE-suck”.
Warning Four: A social media blogger should have posts already written and scheduled to run in case of injury.
Uh. Yeah. I don’t even know what to say to this except to say a social media blogger mea culpa. I should have had that set up. I even have the awesome editorial calendar plugin I love that helps to see all scheduled posts. (Note to self – use your common sense and your awesome tools.)
Not being prepared in case of emergencies is a total pain in the neck. Different from a literal pain in the neck like crashing an ATV into a tree, but still, figuratively, it is a pain in the neck. So this totally counts as a social media blogger “Pain in the Neck” warning.
It is very important that we have posts in the pipeline ready to go out whether we can blog or not. Again, this is a common sense warning that I should have followed like all the other ones in this post – so mostly I am preaching to myself. I am sure you are too smart to make any of these mistakes.
I hope these unnecessary social media blogger “pain in the neck” warnings will come in handy for you someday. They probably won’t as they are mostly unnecessary. Except the last one. That one is pretty good.
If you want to follow social media blogger “Pain in the Neck” warning four: always have backup posts – I do suggest the social media blogger friend: the editorial calendar plugin. It is free and you can get it from that link, but I would just go to “Add New” Plugins in your dashboard and upload it from there. It is really handy to see when your pre-scheduled posts are going to be published.
Bonus Social Media Blogger “Pain in the Neck” Warning:
If you haven’t become a part of a social media blogger community, you may find that no one notices that you aren’t posting or that you have a pain in the neck. I am very grateful to all my fellow social media blogger friends who have expressed their well-wishes and who have continued to have my back by marketing on my behalf while I have been laid up. You all rock!! You know who you are!! Also, thank you to Ross Copping who sent me an insanely sweet get-well-soon e-card. I am blessed to have all my social media blogger buddies!
So, if you want to survive as a social media blogger with a pain in the neck – be part of a community. They will help you hang in there!
Thanks for reading my tongue-in-cheek personal post. The next posts will be how I am using social media so far and social media blogger experiment update 3.
If you didn’t see it, you can view social media blogger experiment update 2.Mindy Koch You can see my entire social media blogger presence at http://XeeMe.com/MindyKoch The photo “No ATV’s” by Peter Blanchard is used by Creative Commons License. (Social Media Blogger Warnings)